when you are a big giver but other people don't give back

Tithing means giving 10% of your income to places that inspire you and do good in the world you want to support. And giving to the world in general can be a great practice. Having a generous spirit can benefit you, and circulating money to where you are inspired WILL bring more income!  It is spiritual law. See my blog post on the spiritual benefits of giving & tithing:  https://www.kalicoaching.org/blog/chapter-4a-context-of-giving

When I was "flush" with estrogen, I was happy to give everywhere and anywhere!  

But giving also has a dark side.  It can attract takers and lead to over-giving on the part of the giver.  And if the giver has an attachment to being "liked" or has low self-worth, they can get stuck giving without reciprocity. Now in menopause I find I don't enjoy giving to places that don't give back, or that haven't given to me in the first place so I feel organically grateful. 

So then the real challenge in being a generous person is being discerning as to where you give and protecting your energy. There are a lot of people who will promise to give to you but will never follow through or will just happily take what you have to give without any energy return.

I had 3 people tell me this week that I really inspire them in their businesses and consciousness.  But did any of them offer to hire me? Or give a tithe gift? Or take me out for lunch? Or even a coffee? No. I love them, and will continue to be their friend.  But I won't pour extra business ideas & financial empowerment into them without exchange.  I will think generally good thoughts about them, and move on to sharing with clients & people who pay me.

I also found with several friends I was the only one to initiate getting together, and the other people weren't initiating.  This felt draining to me.  If I had received appreciation for being the initiator, I might have continued.  But otherwise it made me feel used.  So I set a boundary based on time & energy, which is a true limitation for me right now.  And luckily, others stepped up to organize.  And with some friends, they can't step up at all.  And that is fine!  People show their true interest by their level of effort.

The key with giving is to give only from overflow and in very specific and intentional ways to places that really inspire you and bring good to the world. Or places where there is an energetic reciprocity such as in a business where there is a financial exchange. In my coaching & classes I teach people how to use the magic of giving & to give where it actually feeds them.

This oftentimes means continual calibration and shifting to find the places that really inspire and are pouring into you so that when you give it feels like a true thank you without expectation of return. For me over the years I have allowed my tithing and giving to evolve organically based on where I am inspired.

As an entrepreneur, I find I am often drawn to other entrepreneurs who are achieving a little bit more than me so I’m attracted to that spiritual prosperity and material results with gratitude. That is where I give. Because those people are pouring into me with their experience and advice to help me achieve my next level!

Being a big giver and having a tithing practice for many years I find that those who truly give BIG are rare. If you find a friend who is also a tither and they are a healthy person who is continually growing that is a precious friendship!

Giving from overflow is the only way to give to the general public. Like this blog!  It is fun for me to write and share my experience.  Truth is, most people are not givers. So it is good to protect yourself from too much giving, honestly. A certain amount of healthy self-centredness is required to do self-care and fill our own cup. We certainly don’t want to give when we feel resentful. but giving from overflow feels joyful! And even fun!

Where do you give?

Where does it feel good, and where does it feel “off”, like it’s not feeding you?

​Where can you give in your business in a way that builds your brand, but does not drain you?

Where could you shift your tithing to be more in alignment with your true inspiration NOW?



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Kathy Kali is a graduate of Wonderworks Prosperity Teacher Training, Ramsey Solutions Financial Coaching Program, Exp Realty Training, and is a member of WIIRE, WREIO, and founder of WWREI, all women's real estate investing groups.